Aren’t these supposed to be the golden years of innocence for our children? My daughter is coming home from school with murmurs of bullying. She’s not yet 7, but many of the children in her class are. I talk with other parents and hear of the talk of ‘gangs’ and one girl ‘firing’ other children from the ‘gang’. It seems there is a dictator in the class and she likes her ‘gang’ to do as they are told… or else. I heard today that the same girl put soap into a couple of other children’s drink bottles! The same girl bullied another girl last year, to the point that the parent asked for her daughter to be moved to another class!
Unfortunately, my daughter doesn’t tell me a whole lot about her day at school. I can gauge whether or not she’s had a good day by her general mood. Sometimes she talks to me in a voice that’s not her own, or with new language that I deem inappropriate in our home. I know this is part of growing up; to experiment, to test what is and isn’t acceptable, to push the boundaries and see where they lie – over and over again. However, when there is a negative influence in a child’s class it means the amount of ‘bad’ language coming home for me to put a firm foot down on is more than I’d like to be dealing with, especially at such a young age.
It really concerns me that I know so little of what is happening in the six hour’s she’s at school. It worries me that the hour long lunch break is barely supervised and the only role models my daughter meets in that time are her direct peers, with few adult ears around to listen and steer the interactions in a positive direction. Some may say, ‘It’s good for them, gives them a chance to socialise with other children,’ but one only needs to read ‘Lord of the Flies’ (William Golding) to see what behaviour children will get up to when left to their own devices.
‘We want our children to socialise so that they develop the skills required to function effectively in adult society. This does not happen by osmosis from other children. It happens as they imitate the mature people around them.
While being with other children is a chance to practise their social skills, all too often their behaviour degenerates to the level of the child with the lowest skills.‘ (Phil Astley, NZ Home Education)
It makes my heart ache when my daughter cries in the morning that she doesn’t want to go to school. That I have to ask her to write down her grievances so she can talk them through with her teacher. Thankfully, her teacher does listen and is good at suggesting solutions. I find children are so perceptive and if they feel that they are not genuinely being listened to then there is the very real danger that they will stop communicating about what is troubling them and bottle it up.
Thankfully, today was a good day. Everyone went to bed happy and I’m one happy mamma when that happens 🙂 But the issue of bullying weighs heavy on my thoughts. Included in the links below is a link to other people’s views on the issue and whether they think enough is being done to address bullying in schools.
Links:
Are schools doing enough to address bullying? – NZ Herald
No Bully – New Zealand Police
NZ schools lead world in bullying – The Press
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Hiya Sarah,
I’m so sorry to hear about this.
It is really hard when we do not know what is going on. I kind of wish I could review what they went through through their eyes…kind of like a movie of their day.
Keep us posted.
Maybe you should go down for a visit during lunchtime, or go to class as part of sharing time (sharing baby Alice)? It would be nice to see your daughter in her environment.
Take care!
Sarah,
that is horrible, sorry she is going through that, little children can be so mean, I used to be amazed by what I heard some days when I picked Ben up from daycare and some children just seem to have a radar for more sensitive children. I can’t get any information out of Ben about the school day either, it is very frustrating. I hope the school helps you sort it out and things get better for her.
first of all I hope that girl gets a firm growling at
shocked that she would soap in peoples drink bottles
secondly closely leading behind I really feel for Charli pleased she has a good teacher
I have home schooled two of my 3 children and if D4 gets bullied next year I will take a firm stand again. His father wont like it though
If you did home school before long inappropriate behaviours would be thing of the past
I firmly believe that socialization does NOT need to be with the same age peers everyday of the week. Do we solely mix with our same age peers everyday of our life? I myself tend to mix with people of all ages young and old. Society has a problem with whether home schoolers mix with others I have met many home schoolers over the years and all mix with a wide range of other people.
I pray for wisdom in your decision on what to do thats best for your family. I am here if you want to discuss this any more. All the best
I’ve just read through all the comments on the NZ Herald link and I am positively shocked. What is going on in the schools? I do hope this is not typical of most schools. I’m so glad you’ve got a sympathetic teacher who is trying to sort the situation out. Does the school have an anti-bullying policy, and if it does is it actually being put in place? Here’s hoping things are sorted soon.
Oh honey, Madi was the same age when it started with her. I couldn’t believe how cruel little girls could be. We went to the school, and they tried to deal with it, but the parents of the girls involved refused to get on board, and whilst the stuff in the classroom was sorted, it was lunchtimes that they would start again. I get emotional just thinking about the change in Madi, she lost her confidence, was in tears every morning when I dropped her off, and then so angry at home, where she was safe. I have one regret, that I let it go on too long thinking it would be okay. Madi still carries with her the scars from that time, and it’s so heartbreaking.
Big hugs!
I totally sympathise with you and what Charli is going through. I think everyone single one of us who attended school can remember some instance of either bullying or kids just generally being mean. Reading your post has just made me remember at about age 11 a girl following me home and trying to trip me up the whole way. Its hard when you have such beautiful children to watch them go through any tough situation (and especially one that seems so pointless and unnecessary). I think you are doing all the right things in dealing with it though, I’ll pray that you continue to have the wisdom and Charli the strength to get through this time together…
Oh I feel for you. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. We have also experienced bullying which unfortunately ended in my son being seriously assaulted – he had just turned 5. I had already approached the teacher with my concerns and they were ignored. It broke my heart and almost 2 years later it is something I feel very strongly about. The school refused to change our sons class (despite there being 9 classes of his year) and refused to do anything about the assault. The same child had also stabbed another child with a pen in the back and they have since had to call the police to the school – he was also only 5!
We moved schools and our school now has a zero tolerance of bullying – and they really enforce it. We have now chosen to pay for a private school to ensure this happens.
I love the idea of homeschooling but Im terrified it wont be the right thing and I also dont have the support I need around me (with our family in another country).
My prayers are with you and your daughter.
oh dear;this problem is very widespread all over the world.i think every child has been the victim at some point.
sue addressed the problem with james by speaking with the school and everything is fine now.
jordan was bullied on the school bus andthe police became involved. however sue didn,t wish to pursue the problem with them,and the matter was soon solved with the bully and his parents by the school.
don,t worry ,eveything will be fine
wow, loads of comments. to be honest, one of the wonderful outcomes of our homeskooling years was the positive socialisation. guidance was gentle, and consistent. the skools we have chosen (yes, i feel so privileged to have a choice) have the same ethos.
i love that sophie’s teacher is so fabulous. but yes, i know it’s difficult during lunchtimes at skool. yesterday, sir hubby and i walked around the playground together (at high school – he was surreptitiously checking that teachers were actually on duty lol) and chatted with gorgeous kids and had a wee beaky-boo.
cos earlier, i had noticed a group of lads as i was lugging huge boxes of stuffs back to the staffroom, and one was putting something in another’s ear, i thought. my suspicions were confirmed when one said loudly to the mates, “hi miss!!” so i mooched on over and told them a wee story of my suddenly-hard-of-hearing uncle who went to the doctor at forty – and had a 35 year old rolled up piece of paper pulled out of it. pffft. so whatever you’re doing boys, don’t do it!!!
then i watched sir with the same group of lads who were monkeying around throwing stones onto the skool field, and he sat them down and rarked them up. men deal with these things so differently to women.
anyway, i have no answers, except to say that i don’t want our kiddos to lose their beautiful sensitive natures either. i hope that our kiddos continue to celebrate their uniqueness, and continue to understand that mostly, the negative way someone may treat them speaks loudly about the offender, not our kids.
huge love to you X