A long road ahead

BritMumInNZ

I didn’t make an active choice to ‘do’ extended breastfeeding… I just never used bottles and it was so easy to peacefully feed baby to sleep (tut, tut, no, no!), comfort baby (and then toddler), nurse my child through teething with breastfeeding (did you know sucking releases endorphins – the body’s natural painkillers?). My children all started solids around six months of age, they drank water from a sipper cup around then too. They all eat a wide-range of healthy foods. So why keep breastfeeding? As I said, it wasn’t a decision I made, it was just me meeting the physiological and emotional needs of my child. They continued to feed and I continued to provide. I never have been very good at saying, ‘No’!

I sought advice on the Internet and found support groups singing the praises of extended breastfeeding and making me feel perfectly normal. I was, truly, doing what nature intended (only not many other people do it… only one or two of my antenatal group did and many fellow mothers thought I was ‘nuts’).

breastfeeding card new 25

When my children turned 18 months feeds became much more private. My toddlers very rarely indicated they would like a feed when we were out in public and I usually found a way to distract them if they did – or sought somewhere a little private. In front of close family and friends, or in my own home, I felt a lot more comfortable, but on occasion we’d have visitors to our home I didn’t know so well and I’d retreat to a bedroom.

In the night they fed for several months… into years. But this was more of a positive than anything. They went to sleep peacefully, blissfully even, happy and content. There were few nights of tears and upset. Illnesses were comforted with extra feeds. Teething pain was easily and naturally alleviated and it was very rare that medical pain-relief was needed.

However, I found myself so bound with my children emotionally and so attached that I became their night time ‘comfort blankie’. It was (and is now with Alice) impossible for me to go out in the evening. Charlotte used to wake like clock work and have a good sleep between 8pm and midnight, allowing me some valuable ‘escape’ time. Sophie spaced out her wakings too, but it wasn’t until she was nearly two that I left the home in the evening, feeling secure that she wouldn’t wake and be too upset. Also, around the age of two all the girls accepted and sometimes sought, in preference of me, their Daddy for night time comfort (phew, a relief to me!).

Thankfully, my freedom to party (not that I any longer had much desire or energy to!) did return. My children self-weaned (Charlotte at 2 years and Sophie at 4 years – with a little encouragement just before Alice was born). But Alice is now 19 months and going stronger than either Charlotte and Sophie ever did! She’s bigger than they were at this age. She eats a great range and quantity of solid foods too. She’s happy, healthy and a joy, but I am ready for a little more sleep without interruption! It will come, I know.

In the meantime, I love this video, ‘Ignorance Meets Knowledge’ (extended breastfeeding). The first half flashes up ignorant messages that extended breastfeeders are sometimes confronted by and then changes to the knowledge that reveals how very natural extended breastfeeding is and the benefits to both mother and child.

References: Natural Mama NZ

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8 thoughts on “A long road ahead”

  1. This is such a lovely post, and a great video. I’ve just weaned my son at almost-18mths (and have been drafting a post on it!), and until now, have had mostly positive comments, if any at all. I’m astounded that anyone would call extended breastfeeding “abuse”. Every mother has the right to choose what’s best for them and their family, and this sort of comment must cut so deeply. You have a lovely attitude to feeding your children 🙂

  2. I can relate to this SO much! (Bfing my 2 year old, who has only in the last couple of months stopped waking frequently)

    You should come along to a le leche meeting, I know there is a small group running in Miramar, but if you are able to then come along to the monthly meeting in Petone. http://www.lalecheleague.org.nz/local-groups/10-north-island/87-lower-hutt-lll The october session is “How breastfeeding affects mothering”.

    Another group you might enjoy is Babywearing Wellington. You will find a bunch of other like minded ladies there too 🙂 http://babywearingwellington.blogspot.com/

  3. I totally agree about the benefits of extended breastfeeding.
    Good for you for doing what is best for you and your children.
    I had intentions to breastfeed all my babies for a long time but sadly it wasn’t to be. 9 months was the longest and I was pretty proud of that, after 9 weeks and 4 months with the first two.
    I still miss it almost 6 years later….
    And my youngest still never slept through until 2.5 years… making bottles in the night is NOT cool!!! lol.

  4. Thanks Leonie and it’s always reassuring to hear from other folks that their babies took a while… to sleep through :0) They get there in the end, eventually! Thankfully I am managing a wee nana nap most days to keep me reasonably sane and I really do treasure this precious snuggle time with my youngest. She’ll turn two in February and am feeling that familiar feeling of wondering ‘where did that time go?’! Best to just enjoy the cuddles whilst they last hey xx

  5. Thanks so much Beth. I’ll definitely take a look at going along to one of those meetings. The wonderful friends I had when my oldest was born (8 years ago now!) have all left the country 🙁 I could do with some new acquaintances in the same boat to swap sleep deprivation stories and cups of coffee ;0)

  6. Cheers Ange and well done to you on breastfeeding your son too. I’m fortunate to have personally only experienced support from family and friends for breastfeeding 🙂

  7. Wow, what a great post! Our youngest turned 2 in June and still breastfeeds at bedtime/in the night. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest and he is so happy and content with it that I don’t see it stopping in the next few months anyway! I wouldn’t however feel comfortable with feeding him in public anymore, purely because of what other people’s reactions would be.

    He has had a really rough time with severe eczema and I know that breastfeeding has given him a lot of comfort.

    It’s so nice to know that there are others out there doing the same!

  8. Interesting post – I didn’t manage to feed the first 2 for more than a week.  Euan was a natural and I fed him to sleep even though I knew I wasn’t meant to – after doing what I was told with the first 2 I did what I wanted with him.  Other than a love of stroking silk (I’m guess from bras!) it doesn’t seem to have done him much harm.

    He self weaned at 16 months – there was no way he was having any more – so when I read about the natural age of weaning being over 2 I always wonder how they know. I’ve read it loads of places.

    I also wonder what he would have been like if he hadn’t been fed that long – he is sooooo sickly, the others are never ill, he has his own labelled seat in the drs!  

    Makes me feel sad that I’ll never feed again – those midnight snacking times are really special, just the 2 of you and the rest of the house asleep. Hope she sleeps better soon, but in the grand scheme of things it’s really a short blip of no sleep xo

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