Making Real Friendships

Making real friends as an adult isn’t always easy (On the garden wall’s post ‘Stalking Frally‘ sums up many of my encounters of new friendships). I’ve made some beautiful friends over the last ten years I’ve lived in New Zealand; but sadly most of them have moved overseas. With renewed energy I put myself ‘out there’ and somehow a new connection is forged. It feels a lot like how I’d imagine speed-dating. Within a few minutes I’m usually aware if there’s a connection or simply a new acquaintance. There are many lovely people in my local community to pass away some idle chit-chat with or wave a friendly hello as I pass by; but we all know how special it is when we meet someone we can really gel with.

I’m quite a private person in many ways and don’t have a ‘need’ to be surrounded by dozens of friends and social lunches. But I do highly value real friendships. My very good friend Marrisa (that I met on one of my ‘put myself out there chance encounters’) gave me a Birthday card today that summed me up quite well: It said, ‘Happy Birthday. May you successfully hide your weirdness for another year.’. I found this hilarious and so special – as within only a year of knowing Marrisa she has identified me perfectly. I am not average. I look squeaky clean on the surface; but underneath I’m a bubbling mud pool that hates convention and struggles with authority.

Give me a choice of an afternoon with a group of parents in the confines of four-walls and being in a beautiful park or at the beach with one good friend and I’d choose the latter any day. I dislike play-groups. I go in bright and chirpy; but within half an hour I feel my energy levels deflated and get increasingly frustrated. I’d much rather meet up with a friend or two and their children in more natural surroundings.

All this leads to my frustrations with letting my oldest child go in terms of the education system. I watched her the other morning, being forced to stand in a line – with a child’s body in front and behind wriggling, prodding and overwhelming her personal space. I was proud of her for taking a deep breath and holding in her frustrations. She was clearly ill at ease and wanted to get the hell out of there. On the other hand she did want to take part in the group photograph – and that meant standing in a tight line whilst waiting to be told to sit in a certain way and in a certain place. I really wanted to pull her away and actually said, ‘You don’t have to do this.’. Do any other parents feel this way?!

Children deserve to be respected and as adults we need to earn their respect; as much as we expect it from them. My free-spirited philosophies don’t match with everyone I meet – but it’s those that are open to new ways of thinking that I really connect with. Increasingly I’m meeting parents who are thinking with alertly conscious minds and questioning the system. The ‘Law of Attraction’; we shall connect with those people and those circumstances that we ourselves think about and believe in.

I am so thankful for the friendships that have touched me in the past and those that I am connected with now in the present.