Midwinter detoxing

This is day six of no wine, beer or secret puffs. Even coffee has been put to one side (though I have weakened a couple of times). My kitchen drawer is stocked with a selection of herbal brews. I even carried a small box of chamomile in my handbag to Sophie’s afternoon Kindi today (and my nerves were quickly soothed).

I am generally fine until mid-afternoon. From then onwards a little knot in my stomach starts to grow. I can feel it trying to consume me. It’s like an alien trying to take over and leave me with zero self-control and a complete lack of patience. So yesterday, when Little Miss 3 spends an hour roller-blading around the supermarket, just after school pick-up of Helpful Miss 5 going on 6, I am really pushed to my limits. Thankfully, the giggles, smiles and generally friendly gazes of strangers help keep my frustrations in check. Though I did have to put my loud voice on when we got to check-out and the helping became just too much (with a packet of crumpets missing the conveyor belt and hitting the check-out lady).

“Girls, pleeeeease go and sit down on those chairs over there! Right now!”

They did. I fumbled for my card, swiping twice before getting lucky on the third attempt. I was so relieved to make it safely across the car-park and be sat in the comfort of my car that I promptly stuffed my face with a large, pink iced bun.

By the time we got home, in near darkness, I was nervously making a list of things to action on getting home (normally all this is soothed with a wee tipple of Merlot around 5pm)…

• Close curtains and blinds (several rooms, too many windows, fiddly string/pully mechanisms on blinds to untie – I’m so fast at this that I should be crewing on the next Whitbread Round the World Race)
• Switch on lights and heaters
• Unpack shopping
• Cook dinner
• Get the girls to take their bags out of the car and unload their lunch boxes
• Make sure Charli finishes her homework
• Sit down and listen to Charli’s read her book of the day
• Help Charli find information about Space for school

Anyway… for a while all is good (though I’m aware of a massive upheaval of bedding and a pillow fight in Charli’s room – I have an ear on alert in case of foul play and consider fitting a secret camera in every room with a pocket viewer on my person). Then they decide to dress up and get the face paints out whilst I’m cooking dinner.

‘That’s fine,’ I say, ‘As long as you understand I am cooking and can’t help you out.’

Sophie starts calling for a wet cloth… over and over again.

I pull a chair up to the sink and ask her to get a cloth and wet it – she knows how to do this and is perfectly capable… but oh no, she really wants me to do it.

‘I’m sorry Sophie, I’ve explained I am busy and you are perfectly able to do this, please help me out!’

I can feel the monster growing inside me. I am aware of it. Normally such a minor thing wouldn’t affect me in the slightest. I am cursing the monster. Willing it away and taking in deep breaths. Stay calm. I light some incense and candles. More deep breaths. In… and out…

All is okay… for a moment, and then Sophie decides to put paint on Charli’s face – game over!
Charli upset. Sophie on the time out step. Me seriously wishing I was somewhere else. Very aware I need to get out and go for a run or a hard out swim.
Sophie apologizes and we move on – for a moment.
I go to set Charli up with her homework (totally lost track of dinner now – broccoli and carrots seriously over done).
When I return… Sophie has poured water all over the kitchen floor and a good portion of the lounge carpet!
I LOSE IT – TOTALLY!

It all ends in tears and me on the phone to Dan in a desperate plea for help. Thankfully, the phone call helps to calm me. Dinner is served, tears and water mopped up, apologies made and remade. Dan gets home in a flash and I head out the door to swim some serious laps like a mad salmon possessed (I’ve even been having lucid dreams about swimming hard upriver – waking myself up mid-way and then controlling the dream and watching the scenery as I push on past raging torrents).

Today was a much better day. After school we hung out in the surf cafe eating chocolate brownie before heading to the pool to splash around like mad fools. There is a serious water theme going on here. I’m happy when swimming. I can’t drink enough water. Herbal tea hits the spot (Mojo served me up a seriously good lemon, honey and ginger tea this morning).

And even in my dreams I’m swimming…

According to ‘Dream moods‘ this can be interpreted as:
To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

And a raging river:
To see a raging river, signifies that your life is feeling out of control.

And before swimming upriver I was, at the beginning of my dream, walking down through a gentle stream in the most beautiful forests:
To see a stream in your dream, signifies that you will come upon a flow of fresh and profound ideas. The stream is also symbolic of the flow of your emotions. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on something that is “streaming” in at a steady pace. Perhaps you need to be patient.

And finally, there was a bridge – from the raging river in the forest to a city! I can still remember every architectural detail of that bridge!
To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to “bridge” or connect two things together.

I am seriously trying to purge the inner demons! Wish me luck!