As I waved Charlotte and her class off on the bus, after watching their cross country race at Karori Park, a child’s voice still rang in my ears…
‘Why is her other daughter not at school?’
And another child’s voice…
‘Does her mother not work?!’
‘Who teaches her daughter?’
And I answered, ‘I do!’ with a smile.
They laughed, slightly awkwardly, with looks of obvious confusion. There was no time for deep explanations. They were following the line onto the bus, back to school.
I simply said, ‘It’s okay! I’m at home looking after my toddler anyway and Sophie wasn’t happy in a school setting. She’s happy now and I’m okay with teaching her.’
[They smiled politely, unable to fathom anyone wanting to stay at home to ‘do school’.]
I felt slightly awkward now. There wasn’t time for more explanation. This wasn’t the time or the place. I simply said, ‘You girls are very fortunate to be going to such a wonderful school. Sophie had the opportunity but, for now, she’s choosing a different learning path.’
And that, was that (I certainly didn’t want to go into the anxiety attacks Sophie started having, after starting school, and meetings we’d had with a child psychologist).
But I so wanted them to ‘see’ more.
The hours I spend dedicated to Sophie’s natural learning in a home setting, socialising with other wonderful home-schooling families.
The hours I spend doing unpaid chores – that if I was out earning mega bucks (and sending all my children to day-care and school) I’d employ a cleaner to do. And when Charlotte has a friend round, particularly a friend with no younger siblings and from a home where both parents do paid work, they often scoff at ‘the mess’ – the creative array of toys that are in the middle of being played with, the toilet rolls that are turned into puppets, the cardboard boxes that become boats, the glitter on the table, the play-dough, the baking bowl waiting to be washed after a morning session in the kitchen. There are books often scattered, open on tables or even along the hallway. There are teddy bears in boxes. Paintings are blue-tacked proudly on the wall.
It is a home where the children outnumber the adults three to two. A home where creative play and family time is highly valued. A home where our children feel at ease expressing themselves. It is not a show home, a pad for entertaining and elegant dinners. There will be time enough for china serving sets (if we really desire) and candlelit dinners (okay, that’s a nice thought) again.
Simply put, we do what we do for LOVE. For no other reason. I don’t earn a wage. I don’t wear a suit. My husband supports the family financially and with his calm, amazing spirit. We don’t go jet setting to exotic destinations every school holiday. I get more excited buying a new book for one of my children than a new pair of jeans (and when I do get a new pair of jeans I am, of course, absolutely stoked… especially as the old ones were going bald at the knees).
I could choose to hand over my younger two children to professionals and go out and get a ‘real job’ – but seriously, what I am doing right now is the most real, most important job of all. No one else knows my young children like my hubbie and I do. When Sophie says, ‘I was so sad at school. I don’t want to feel that way. I want to learn at home. I enjoy being at home. I enjoy learning in my own way …’ I feel right in choosing this path, in partnership with her, my husband and her siblings.
She isn’t lacking in social contact. She’s by no means shy. She talks to everyone and plays with other children confidently and independently. We understand her and why this path suits her learning needs best, for now. So, am I fool? I felt like one, in their eyes, just for a moment. I forgot to visualize the ‘parent raincoat’ – and let the unsettling comments (not intended to be unsettling of course – just matter of fact observations) wash over and away.
I feel like a fool some days when the endless washing, cleaning, sorting and other responsibilities of being a full-time mother, teacher and house-keeper get overwhelming. But, I am a happy fool 🙂 So there!
_________________________________________________________
My wonderful friend, Cyndi (Latte Junkie), set the theme of ‘Fool’ for this week’s Lyrical Sunday prompt.
I love the theme and will try to write a poem soon –
but the prompt brought the above post out of me first!
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You’re not a fool! Or if you are, then I’m one, too 🙂 We have books strewn about the lounge, toys in a jumble, paper plates turned into “cymbals”, cardboard tubes and egg cartons that have been repurposed, and all sorts of other things lying about. It’s a “comfortable” house. Not a showplace, but not a filthy mess, either. It’s somewhere in-between, which is just fine with us. I say keep doing what you’re doing!
Love this post. It’s interesting that there are children growing up now who are shocked to find a parent who doesn’t work…
Great post! It completely works for Lyrical Sunday!!Â
I don’t think you’re a fool at all. I think you are very wise to be able to see what’s best for your girls and your family.
Go back to the first paragraph of “The Hobbit” – which goes something like “it wasn’t a dry dusty house or a damp musty house; it was a Hobbit House – and that means Comfort!”
It get’s my vote even when the darlings do cellotape your things together!
No fool, a wonderfully caring mama who wants the best for her children who are all individuals finding their path in life. And one who sacrifices daily to make this happen. You are a truly inspiring mama xx
I love the description of your home you give here. I cannot imagine the alternative show home reality, but that is because I too am a mum at home, with a lived in kind of creative feel to it! You are proudly the way you are, as I am, and I will be asked questions next year too when I am still proudly a Mum not in paid work when both my children will be in school…I can’t wait to speak my truth quietly and clearly as you did here. Kia kaha!!
What an honest lovely post and as the saying goes the proof is in the pudding….and you are certainly doing what comes naturally and the results are amazing!! Big hugs.
Yeah – my house is like that. Â And the child:adult ratio is about the same too. Â Only difference is that I’m the wage earner and Husband is the at-home parent. Â At the end of the day what makes the biggest difference to a child’s life is the input they get at home, not anything money can buy. Â Well done Sarah, for choosing the path you have.
well said!! my friend
Ive always thought a sad thing when both parents work full time
what makes your children and you happy is whats most important and I for one certainty dont think your a fool far from it xoxox
remember you inspire me and I want to meet you one day
Oh this made me laugh! I hope that’s OK. My house is tidy … and unashamedly so. I like to tidy. It makes me happy. Plus it is very small little place so tidiness is kind of a necessity. I don’t think that makes me any better or worse as a parent. It is just how I live (and so how my family lives). To be honest I haven’t noticed untidiness at your house. It always looks very neat! Maybe I am not looking the right places!! Ha!Â
From my own experience though I know that at QMC many of the families have both parents working (for obvious reasons!), so the comments are probably more aimed at thinking – woah they must be loaded (raised eyebrows go here), rather than she is a fool.
Love to you my dear.
Thanks honey – I work really hard to keep it tidy – I spend hours cleaning and organizing the toys and learning resources. It’s just with two children at home full time they obviously create a lot of mess and generate extra cleaning – obviously if I was out of the house all day – and my children – I’d have a tidier home and less housework.
As for QMC – well we can’t afford any more than one child attending unless I earned a wage. We tried Sophie there in desperation when she wasn’t happy at HVS and asked if she could go there – because Charlotte was happy. If we were loaded we may have worked through the bumpy patch of settling her in. But when her anxiety got so bad that we had to seek the counsel of a psychologist (which also cost a small fortune!) we thought there just had to be another way.
Things are working out well now – very unconventional, yes, but at least everyone is fairly happy.
I reckon a smaller property is a wise move too – less space prohibits hoarding – and we definitely need to release some of the children’s toys and clothes we’ve collected over the past 8 years!!