Lyrical Sunday | Between

This isn’t my usually thought out poem for Lyrical Sunday. I love the theme Cyndi has set, of ‘Between’ for ‘Lyrical Sunday’ – so many great possibilities came to mind. Unfortunately I feel terrible this morning. I tried to get out in the sunshine, but it was a disaster. I just need to let go and this poem is just that (rest assured I’ll have my spring back again soon!).

BETWEEN

Between is where I’d like to be –

instead of one extreme.

Not swinging from ecstatically buzzing –

to grumpy, dark and depressed.

A little medication helps to keep me in between –

most of the time… but one bad night’s sleep, PMT

and too much parenting from dawn to midnight –

turns me into a wobbling powder keg.

__________________

So it turned out, this morning, I found myself on the beach.

An old acquaintance asked, ‘How are you?’ – out of politeness –

Her tone was so genuine that I couldn’t lie.

Instead of a polite, ‘I’m good thanks,’ words came spilling out in a flood.

She didn’t really need to hear what I was saying

– my inner voice told me to ‘Shut up!’ –

but I couldn’t help it.

__________________

I’d been up from two till five with my youngest –

awake again at seven thirty.

The night before I’d been up till gone ten –

reading, playing scrabble and having some one-on-one with my middle child.

I’ve split myself too thin this past week.

A bad cold, lack of sleep, PMT; it’s all snowballing.

I’m far from comfortably between extremes –

I’m swinging wildly, unpredictably from one to the other.

__________________

I’m back home after my failed attempt at getting out in the sunshine.

Alice said she wanted to go home to sleep.

But she’s not sleeping – she’s next to me in my dark bedroom –

playing a shape matching game.

I know what I need. A walk in the sun, surrounded by nature.

Just me, the air and the birds to hear.

I need to get my balance back –

not tightrope walk between extremes.

__________________

Most of the time I cope okay –

at being the glue between.

I roll on the floor, sandwiched between giggling children, being ‘playful Mum’.

I step in between bickering children, being ‘peace keeper Mum’.

The children come between my husband and I –

forcing us in different directions from time to time.

Being between isn’t always easy – trying to keep an even mood, between extremes –

when feeling the constant push and pull of three children and a husband.

At times I just swing out wide of the ‘great Mum’, ‘great wife’

and just fall in between – ‘just okay Mum’, ‘just okay wife’.

I tell myself that, ‘That’s okay’ too, but it never feels good enough.

__________________

Right now, my youngest has finally fallen to sleep.

My older children are out at play.

I shall nap now, coffee later, take some air, find my balance.

Get back between and make it a ‘great’ between.

x

© Sarah Lee, 2012