This isn’t my usually thought out poem for Lyrical Sunday. I love the theme Cyndi has set, of ‘Between’ for ‘Lyrical Sunday’ – so many great possibilities came to mind. Unfortunately I feel terrible this morning. I tried to get out in the sunshine, but it was a disaster. I just need to let go and this poem is just that (rest assured I’ll have my spring back again soon!).
BETWEEN
Between is where I’d like to be –
instead of one extreme.
Not swinging from ecstatically buzzing –
to grumpy, dark and depressed.
A little medication helps to keep me in between –
most of the time… but one bad night’s sleep, PMT
and too much parenting from dawn to midnight –
turns me into a wobbling powder keg.
__________________
So it turned out, this morning, I found myself on the beach.
An old acquaintance asked, ‘How are you?’ – out of politeness –
Her tone was so genuine that I couldn’t lie.
Instead of a polite, ‘I’m good thanks,’ words came spilling out in a flood.
She didn’t really need to hear what I was saying
– my inner voice told me to ‘Shut up!’ –
but I couldn’t help it.
__________________
I’d been up from two till five with my youngest –
awake again at seven thirty.
The night before I’d been up till gone ten –
reading, playing scrabble and having some one-on-one with my middle child.
I’ve split myself too thin this past week.
A bad cold, lack of sleep, PMT; it’s all snowballing.
I’m far from comfortably between extremes –
I’m swinging wildly, unpredictably from one to the other.
__________________
I’m back home after my failed attempt at getting out in the sunshine.
Alice said she wanted to go home to sleep.
But she’s not sleeping – she’s next to me in my dark bedroom –
playing a shape matching game.
I know what I need. A walk in the sun, surrounded by nature.
Just me, the air and the birds to hear.
I need to get my balance back –
not tightrope walk between extremes.
__________________
Most of the time I cope okay –
at being the glue between.
I roll on the floor, sandwiched between giggling children, being ‘playful Mum’.
I step in between bickering children, being ‘peace keeper Mum’.
The children come between my husband and I –
forcing us in different directions from time to time.
Being between isn’t always easy – trying to keep an even mood, between extremes –
when feeling the constant push and pull of three children and a husband.
At times I just swing out wide of the ‘great Mum’, ‘great wife’
and just fall in between – ‘just okay Mum’, ‘just okay wife’.
I tell myself that, ‘That’s okay’ too, but it never feels good enough.
__________________
Right now, my youngest has finally fallen to sleep.
My older children are out at play.
I shall nap now, coffee later, take some air, find my balance.
Get back between and make it a ‘great’ between.
x
© Sarah Lee, 2012
