This isn’t my usually thought out poem for Lyrical Sunday. I love the theme Cyndi has set, of ‘Between’ for ‘Lyrical Sunday’ – so many great possibilities came to mind. Unfortunately I feel terrible this morning. I tried to get out in the sunshine, but it was a disaster. I just need to let go and this poem is just that (rest assured I’ll have my spring back again soon!).
Between is where I’d like to be –
instead of one extreme.
Not swinging from ecstatically buzzing –
to grumpy, dark and depressed.
A little medication helps to keep me in between –
most of the time… but one bad night’s sleep, PMT
and too much parenting from dawn to midnight –
turns me into a wobbling powder keg.
So it turned out, this morning, I found myself on the beach.
An old acquaintance asked, ‘How are you?’ – out of politeness –
Her tone was so genuine that I couldn’t lie.
Instead of a polite, ‘I’m good thanks,’ words came spilling out in a flood.
She didn’t really need to hear what I was saying
– my inner voice told me to ‘Shut up!’ –
but I couldn’t help it.
I’d been up from two till five with my youngest –
awake again at seven thirty.
The night before I’d been up till gone ten –
reading, playing scrabble and having some one-on-one with my middle child.
I’ve split myself too thin this past week.
A bad cold, lack of sleep, PMT; it’s all snowballing.
I’m far from comfortably between extremes –
I’m swinging wildly, unpredictably from one to the other.
I’m back home after my failed attempt at getting out in the sunshine.
Alice said she wanted to go home to sleep.
But she’s not sleeping – she’s next to me in my dark bedroom –
playing a shape matching game.
I know what I need. A walk in the sun, surrounded by nature.
Just me, the air and the birds to hear.
I need to get my balance back –
not tightrope walk between extremes.
Most of the time I cope okay –
at being the glue between.
I roll on the floor, sandwiched between giggling children, being ‘playful Mum’.
I step in between bickering children, being ‘peace keeper Mum’.
The children come between my husband and I –
forcing us in different directions from time to time.
Being between isn’t always easy – trying to keep an even mood, between extremes –
when feeling the constant push and pull of three children and a husband.
At times I just swing out wide of the ‘great Mum’, ‘great wife’
and just fall in between – ‘just okay Mum’, ‘just okay wife’.
I tell myself that, ‘That’s okay’ too, but it never feels good enough.
Right now, my youngest has finally fallen to sleep.
My older children are out at play.
I shall nap now, coffee later, take some air, find my balance.
Get back between and make it a ‘great’ between.
© Sarah Lee, 2012